You know some of those people who thrive off conflict and arguments? And those who just simply don’t care if their social environment is a little tense because it just doesn’t bother them? In fact, it gives them a thrill. But there is something about conflict that is quite uncomfortable and disturbing to most of us.

However, despite what our natural inclinations towards conflict is, I do believe that growing to appreciate conflict in one way or another is something that is actually important. And the reason for this being that when we decide to pick up our crosses and walk alongside the Lord, we will need to face conflict. When we aren’t of the world, we are going to be in conflict with it. So learning to be able to live comfortably in conflict (all while not deliberately and unnecessarily trying to cause strife wherever we go) is definitely a practice that is worthy of prayer.

And one of the sweetest things that I have discovered over the years is that more and more, as we don’t rush head on into conflict and when we don’t run away from it, but instead, seek after Him, even the cloudiness that surrounds conflict dissipates. He won’t abandon you to fend for yourself. Instead, He will guide you and provide you with the necessary words, wisdom and strength to overcome conflict lovingly.

But before we go into biblical conflict resolution steps and strategies, let’s dive into some of the reasons why some girls just absolutely hate conflict.

Reasons Why Some Girls Hate Conflict

Do you remember something that you absolutely hated? Perhaps it was spiders, heights, public speaking or the like. The funny thing is that often, we hate what we fear. Things like racism and sexism all also exist because of fear (but that is a different story). So similarly, there is an element of fear attached to each person who hates conflict. I believe that the reason why you believe that you have to avoid speaking up for yourself or run away from negative situations is because there is a lie that you are feeding your fear with. For example, reasons, why people might hate conflict, could include any of the following…

• On a somewhat subconscious level, they don’t believe that they matter enough to have others tend to them if conflict does arise
• They want to avoid being rejected, so they focus their attention on trying to meet the needs of others while sacrificing their own needs and wants
• They believe that they will only be loved and accepted if they keep everyone happy and/or be perfect all the time.
• An image of being infallible, positive and always put together might be what drives their sense of self worth.
• They feed into the idea that showing any kind of weakness is a bad thing

These reasons are only the tip of the iceberg, but each and every one of these reasons skillfully masks a lie that tries to cover up the truth. But really, I can say truthfully that I am still no expert on handling conflict with grace. But with every conflict that I have faced, one factor that stands out brightly to me is that one of the best biblical conflict resolution steps and strategies is simply giving the situation to God — and trusting in His truths and promises to you.

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Biblical Conflict Resolution Steps and Strategies

Biblical Conflict Resolution Steps and Strategies #1: Remember You’re Not in Charge & Give the Situation to God

It can be so hard to remember that we are not the authors of our own lives, and that we were only created to live out the life that our Maker called us to live. So, when we take it upon ourselves to solve our conflict instead of looking to the One who actually knows all things and has the strength to deal with all things, it can often lead us in a direction that will cause us more despair than good.

Plus, when we truly begin to realise the sovereignty of God over your life, in a way it can become truly comforting and healing. Because no longer are you responsible to carry your fears and burdens all alone, but you can pass that onto the only One who actually has the strength and capabilities of handling all things.

Biblical Conflict Resolution Steps and Strategies #2: Figure Out the Lies You’re Telling Yourself

Do you remember what it is like to play a strategy game? Or even what it is like to play team sports? When you begin identifying the ‘weak’ and ‘vulnerable’ spots that are open for enemy attack, you can better defend yourself from unwelcomed advances. So the next time you go head to head with conflict, figure out the lies that you have been telling yourself and replace it with Biblical truth.

For example; have you been feeding into the lie that you have to always please everyone and never go against the wave in order to be loved? Then feed yourself with this truth; Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10)

—> You might also like: How to Overcome Negative Thoughts

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Biblical Conflict Resolution Steps and Strategies #3: Fill Yourself with His Truths and Promises

The most perfect way you can begin deflecting those lies and learn how to embrace biblical conflict is by filling yourself with His truths and promises. And if Jesus says “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me,” then surely, the best way to fill yourself with the truth that combats the lies is to fill yourself with Him.

When we begin spending a lot more time with the One who handcrafted us so lovingly, and knitted us together before time was even a concept, we will grow to discern His voice speaking to us — from among the many voices of the enemy who tries to distract us.

There is no better way to build a relationship with God than by reading Scripture and diving deep into His Word. Throughout the pages of the Bible, we can learn more about who He is and what He has promised. And when we grow in our knowledge and understanding of our Heavenly Father, we grow in our trust in what He says and the promises He has given.

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Biblical Conflict Resolution Steps and Strategies #4: Whether it is Running Away or Towards Conflict, Don’t Act on Emotion

I remember there was a period in my life when emotions controlled me far more than I controlled them. If I felt hurt, I would run. If I was scared, I would hide. And if I was mad, I would start shaking. Emotions are not wrong and they’re not in itself an evil thing. God has emotions too; He wept, He shook with anger and He rejoiced. But, when what drives our actions come from our emotions and not from our One Creator, we begin to tapping into dangerous territory by allowing an idol dictate our steps.

Instead, we should be acting on the Word. And what does the Word say? The Word says that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). The Word says that love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

By diving into the Word and allowing Him to drive the way we deal with conflict, we will be acting in a way that is how God intended biblical conflict to be!

—> You might also like: How to Replace Negative Thoughts with Biblical Truths

Biblical Conflict Resolution Steps and Strategies #5: Practice.

These biblical conflict resolution steps and strategies are nothing without practice. By practicing prayer, trusting in the Lord, actively pursuing Him and asking Him to guide your heart and thoughts in the midst of conflict, dealing with conflict in the way God intended for us will become more and more like second nature.

LAST CHANCE! Click the image below to grab your FREE, beautifully designed devotional: How to Find God in Hard Times!

Hey! Here Are Other Resources…

—> CLICK THE LINK TO READ … When is it Okay to Let Go of a Friendship?

—> CLICK THE LINK TO READ … Is it Okay to Say No Others as a Christian?

—> CLICK THE LINK TO READ … 5 Creative Daily Quiet Time Ideas for the Busy Girl

or browse the blog HERE!

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Before You Go…

Hope ya enjoyed this lil’ blog post on the 5 biblical conflict resolution steps and strategies. It may be uncomfortable and make you squirm at times, but learning how to embrace healthy conflict is a good thing! So drop a comment below and let me know — do you struggle with dealing with conflict?

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