Do you remember being a tiny tot and you’d go to play-school or pre-school or whatever you called it, and within thirty seconds of playing in the sandpit you had made a new best friend?

It kind of reminds me of that scene in High School Musical (and yes, I’m making a High School Musical reference!) when Gabriella asked Troy on the rooftop “Do you remember in kindergarten how you’d meet a kid and know nothing about them, then 10 seconds later you’re playing like you’re best friends?”

But don’t ya think that these days, adult friendships have lost this sense of straightforwardness and instead, it kind of looks like a complicated and drawn-out game of hide-and-seek, complete with long pauses between texts (which I have definitely been found guilty of!), rescheduled catch-ups, and a series of apologies?

It is super easy these days to fall into the rhythm of our everyday life and friendships just go to the wayside. We rush through conversations and forget to be intentional in our interactions with others. Essentially, we forget what it really means to be a friend.

How to Be a Godly Friend | The Biblical Friendships Guide

The Importance of Knowing the Gospel in Godly Friendships | Biblical Meaning of Friendship

Not too long ago I was re-watching and re-reading my favorite series Anne of Green Gables (yes, I know, I’m such an old soul!) and found myself in love with the charm of Avonlea all over again – including her friendship with her long-for bosom friend Diana Barry.

“A what kind of friend?” asked Marilla. “A bosom friend – an intimate friend, you know – a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul.” said Anne.

This quote is so beautiful because it really highlights the desire set within the souls of women for friendships. We want friendships that make us feel safe, seen and loved. Its just the way God created us! And in particular, it reminds me of a few verses in the Bible that points us to the examples set by the best Friend we could ever have.

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13).

And Jesus did literally lay down His life for us so that we could be reunited once again with our Father.

Why is the Gospel Relevant to Our Friendships?

But why am I even talking about the gospel when this article is about biblical friendships? Well, the reason why it is so important to know the gospel is because it helps us to begin comprehending what really defines a Christian friendship. When we know the gospel, we can see God’s outstretched hand of friendship towards us: “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19) and we can truly begin to understand the characteristics of a Godly friend.

And for the purpose of today’s blog post, I helped you to create this FREE checklist of Super Fun, Intentional, Conversation Starters so that you can start having chuckles with your friends while diving deep into Christ-centred conversations! Just click the image below!

How the Gospel Helps Us in Our Christian Friendships | Creating Biblical Friendships

When I was just five-years-old, I remember in school we had a ‘buddy’ system. Essentially every five-year-old would be paired up with a 12-year-old and that 12-year-old would play the role of a ‘big sis’. I remember how excited I was. Like seriously! Having no older sis of my own, I was so keen to have this awesome older girl be my friend!

BUT, guess what? The scandal of the recess occurred when my ‘big sis’ was caught fawning and playing with another five-year-old in my class. What a scoop for the school newsletter! As a result, I remember a certain little five-year-old feeling devastated over it and ducking into the sports shed to cry a little.

Although I smile a lot now when I think about this story (which by the way, I almost forgot until I wrote this blog post!), it does highlight the concept that it is a dangerous road when we begin to look to our friends for what only God can give —unconditional love and perfect security.

We often forget that people weren’t made to respond in the way that God does and we often assume that God will respond the way an imperfect human would. So, when we try to find our identity and security and sense of self worth completely and wholly in human friendships, we will fall on pretty torrent waters.

—> You might also like: Q&A — How to Share the Gospel with Someone in a Secular World

How Do We Know if we Have a Biblical Friendship?

One of the best ways to really know if we are reflecting the characteristics of a Godly friend would be if we know God on a truly deep level. When we know Him, like really know Him, then we know that His faultless character and His flawless ability to love and care for us!

Say what??

As a result, we will know that no other earthly relationship can be enjoyed in quite the same way and that it was not intended by God for us to place pressure on those relationships with those high expectations.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17)

With all that being said, lets check out the 6 characteristics of a Godly friend!

How to Be a Godly Friend: 6 Characteristics of a Godly Friend

Characteristics of a Godly Friend and a Biblical Friendship: #1 More Than Just Chit-Chat

Do you remember just going out for a coffee date with a couple of your girlfriends and just chatting away – and two hours later you can feel the barista trying to eye you all out of the coffee shop? Yep, we’re just going to pretend we don’t see your laser eyes piercing the back of my neck! But how much of those two hours do you spend time to have an intentional conversation?

Intentional conversations are one of the underlying foundations to adopting the characteristics of a Godly friend. When we spend time diving into the heart of the issues, rather spending time only discussing ‘chit-chat’, we will be robbing ourselves and others of the opportunity to really grow together and help each other move through life in Christ-like discipleship!

One of the most important ways that you can encourage more than just chit-chat’ would be to invest time in listening. How many times have you avoided sharing something deep and personal with someone because you felt like they wouldn’t really care? Like they would just brush you off? So, when you spend the time listening to others, you will not only have people more willing to dive deep with you, but you will also begin earning the right to the next conversation!

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” – James 1:19

Just click the image below to grab your FREE checklist of Super Fun, Intentional, Conversation Starters so that you can start having chuckles with your friends while diving deep into Christ-centred conversations!

Characteristics of a Godly Friend and a Biblical Friendship: #2 Having Conversational Boundaries

Another thing on the top of the list of characteristics of a Godly friend is having conversational boundaries. Whenever you are chatting with your friends, always ask yourself if the conversation that you’re having is something Jesus would participate in. WHOA. That is certainly something to think about!

Girls L.O.V.E to have a good yarn! We love to chat about the little things in life. But gossiping is one of the greatest crippling points among friendships, especially between women! The more we feel comfortable with our friends, the easier it becomes to share everything and anything about others. We want to spill our hearts out – but, when our hearts need working on, should we really be spilling everrrrrything in our hearts out?

A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends. – Proverbs 16:28

So we need to work hard to not even allow a hint of gossip to enter into our conversations. And the same goes for listening to gossip. Even if a friend is sharing with you something difficult that is happening to them, you can be just as effective and helpful to them in sharing truths without actually needing to know all the little details on who said this and who did what!

—> You might also like: Is it Loving to Say No to a Friend?

Characteristics of a Godly Friend and a Biblical Friendship: #3 Fastening Your Friends to Christ

A few years ago, there was a certain friend in my life who never failed to reach out to me in order to unburden her soul. No matter how big or small the matter was, I would always be sure to hear about her frustrations with the matter.

At the time, I thought that the kindest and most loving thing I could do was to always be available and to always be there to listen to her problems. But eventually, the demands of this friendship began to take a massive toll on my personal relationship with Christ. And over time, through Scripture, it was slowly revealed to me that I was actually doing so much more harm than good by becoming her emotional sponge. Do you relate to this friend? 🙂

“Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” – Psalm 62:8

REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE NOT THE CURE

Christ-centered friendship always considers how we might be able to fasten our friends to Christ rather than to ourselves. When so many of his followers and disciples wanted to elevate the status of John the Baptist, he said, “I am not the Christ” (John 3:28). Instead, he took great joy that Jesus was the head and he himself was created to serve Him. So while it is wonderful when we offer support, love, encouragement and comfort to a friend, the danger really comes when we let our friendship with them become a replacement for her personal relationship with Jesus Christ!

And the reverse is true too! When we rush to our girlfriends before we run to our Father, we are robbing ourselves of a deep and intimate relationship with Him. We are also robbing Him of fulfilling His desire of being our refuge!

—> You might also like: How to Find Your Identity in Christ

Just click the image below to grab your FREE checklist of Super Fun, Intentional, Conversation Starters so that you can start having chuckles with your friends while diving deep into Christ-centred conversations!

Characteristics of a Godly Friend and a Biblical Friendship: #4 Being Lovingly Convicting

This can be such a tricky line to navigate. And it will require a lot of humility in trying to listen and discern God’s voice in many situations. It will also take a lot of discernment when it comes to friendships with non-believers. As a general rule of thumb, if your friendship is rooted deeply in faith, it won’t always be super comfortable! In fact, many times, you might just find yourself squirming in your seat!

For a while, I remember thinking that the most loving and kindest thing to do would be to simply listen and to offer ’emotional bandages’ to friends who were struggling with anything. But there are times where we are called to offer truths. This involves lovingly confronting a friend and not just offering ’emotional patch-ups’ to bring them comfort. Simply agreeing with them and trying to empathize with them with a “that must be so hard!” all the time whenever they have a problem, isn’t really going to help them – especially when they are in desperate need of genuine direction!

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17)

As a Christ-centred friend, we are called to sharpen one another, so if you are being called by God to pour truth into your friend’s life, and out of a heart of love and humility believe that you need to be kindly convicting, do so with grace and a spirit of gentleness. Because if we don’t, we may be robbing them of a chance to move forward in a way that will benefit their life!

—> You might like this Q&A blog post: How to Share the Gospel with Someone in a Secular World

Characteristics of a Godly Friend and a Biblical Friendship: #5 Placing ‘Godly’ Friendship Expectations

There was once a friendship that I had where I was expected to play the role of a saviour. In all that I did, I was never enough. And she made it very clear to me that I was not good enough. Ouch! At the time, I was so hurt and confused why my friend constantly put me down when I tried my best. But it became evidently clear – the expectations that were being held were ones that only one being could ever fulfill… God.

To some degree or another, we have all placed unrealistic expectations onto others. But when we begin to realize that only God can fulfill the role of an unconditional friend, unwavering pillar of support and the friend who can and will constantly bend over backward because of how much He loves us, we begin to feel the safety and security that comes from knowing who we are in His eyes.

When we remember that we are loved fully, seen completely and accepted whole-heartedly, we can better extend friendship towards others and love others without demanding our expectations. to be met. “We love because He first loved us.” – John 4:19

BEING A GODLY FRIEND MEANS NOT EXPECTING PERFECTION

When we really want to have the characteristics of a Godly friend, then we will realize that we can’t demand more from a friendship than what God has intended for it to provide because we can’t expect perfection from imperfect humans! And when we begin demanding what our visionary ideals of what friendship looks like, that is when we fall into the dangerous zone of becoming self-seeking. This focus on self is in stark contrast to the example that Jesus gives. He dwelled in the world so that He could serve — not be served!

Don’t forget to get your freebie! Just click the image below to grab your FREE checklist of Fun, Intentional, Conversation Starters so that you can start having chuckles with your friends while diving deep into Christ-centred conversations!

Characteristics of a Godly Friend and a Biblical Friendship: #6 Regularly Check that the Friendship is Bearing Good Fruit

The last of the 6 characteristics of a Godly friend today is to regularly check the fruits that your friendship is bearing.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. – Galatians 5:22-23

One hard lesson I learned is that sometimes it truly is the kindest and most loving thing to do is to let go of a friendship. Simply always being there for someone when the friendship isn’t bearing good fruit is not only a barrier to yourself and your relationship with Jesus, but you might unwittingly be a barrier between them and Jesus too!

It is possible to love people from a distance. If your friendship isn’t bearing good fruit, it is time to re-evaluate your friendship for it said; “Blessed is the one who doesn’t walk in step with wicked, who doesn’t stand in the way that sinners take and who doesn’t sit in the company of mockers”. – Psalm 1:1

This isn’t to say that you need to only be friends with people that are perfect – because that is literally impossible! If we did that, we would most certainly live a life of being friendless! But if your friendship isn’t showcasing the fruits of the spirit, then with prayer and discernment, it might be time to let go of a friendship and continue to love them from a distance!

Hope You Liked this Blog Post on Characteristics of a Biblical Friendship…

Here Are Other Resources You Might Like…

—> CLICK THE LINK TO READ … When is it Okay to Let Go of a Friendship?

—> CLICK THE LINK TO READ … Is it Okay to Say No Others as a Christian?

—> CLICK THE LINK TO READ … How to Share the Gospel with Others in a Secular World

or browse the blog HERE!

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Before You Go…

It’s not always easy knowing how to be a Godly friend! Having a biblical friendship isn’t about being perfect, but knowing that in spite of our imperfection, we can laugh with joy knowing that He will pick up our slack when we put Him first and foremost. But, I hope you enjoyed this article with 6 characteristics a Godly friend should strive to have! 🙂

I love stories about a biblical friendship, don’t you?! Drop a comment in the comment section below. Let me know how you try to be a Christ-centred friend and let’s kick off this conversation!

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