Do you remember what it is like when you locked eyes with your BFF for the first time? Was it an immediate connection where you were like OH MY. This beautiful human gets me? Or was it a little bit of a love-hate relationship at first?
Friendships are second nature to most of us. Two people who get along choosing to enter into a lifelong relationship of camaraderie (yes, I’m being a little bit of a fancypants with the word camaraderie), with one another. Friendships meant to be two hearts linked together with genuine care, affection, and loyalty to each other. To me, friendship meant that the two people in the relationship would never give up on one another through thick and thin, hardships, and joy.
But, one day I came head to head with a difficult decision. I had to choose whether to hold on to a toxic friendship with a girl I had been very close to or choose to let it go. And being the girl who always held onto everything close to her heart, this was something that took a lot of strength.
But being a Christian doesn’t mean that you should keep pursuing a friendship that isn’t bearing any good fruits. Do not think that being a ‘Godly’ friend means that you need to constantly put yourself down or stick to a toxic friendship. Staying around isn’t necessarily always the most ‘loving’ thing to do. Instead, sometimes the best thing to do for both parties is to just pray at a distance.
Knowing when to let go of a friendship can be a tricky thing. But your spiritual wellbeing and your relationship with the Lord should never be put at risk for any relationship in your life. So, here are three times you should seriously reconsider the place this friendship has in your life…
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When to Let Go of a Friendship
1) They are Pulling You Away From the Lord
OK. If you have stuck around with me on Truthfully, Michelle for long enough, you’ll know that I am an absolute Q.U.E.E.N when it comes to making terrible analogies. But since you’re here already, you might as well hear me out!
Imagine you and God can be represented as pieces of velcro on a really unflattering pair of white tennis shoes. And what connects the two of you is your relationship with Him. BUT, when something bad gets stuck in between aka. a friendship with someone that isn’t bearing any good fruit, the two pieces of velcro can no longer stick! Yep, feel free to give me a bit of smack for the terrible analogy!
What am I trying to say?
Well, if being with this person makes you feel like you are compromising your relationship with the Lord, then FLEE.
Like 1 Corinthians 15:33 states; “Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” This definitely does not mean to stay away from nonbelievers completely because even Jesus walked among the desolate. Instead, what this means is to be very careful of the company you surround yourself with. Because even those of sound faith can be corrupted if they frequent the company of ‘bad men’. So don’t be prideful if you believe that your faith is strong and your belief in the Lord is great. This is because even King Solomon who was glorified as the wisest person in his time fell when he brought into his home hundreds of idol-worshipping concubines/wives.
So, if you believe that your friendship is one that isn’t bearing any fruits of the spirit, be wary of the company you are keeping! If this friendship is causing you to pull away from your faith, remember that your relationship with the Father is far more important than any other relationship you have here on earth!
There is no doubt that you will get into the occasional spat with your friends. So even if you have a fight with someone close, this doesn’t mean you should just give up on them. After all, everything worth having takes effort! BUT God is not a God of fear and God is not a God of worry. So, if you constantly find yourself feeling fearful, it is time to re-evaluate the place this person has in your life!
Fear is one of the enemy’s favourite weapon of choice to use against us. From the darkness of the shadows worry, anxious thoughts and fear will attack us and control our minds and hearts. So, if you find yourself completely in fear of your friend, I ask that you just seek the Lord. If you find yourself dreading that they will message you, find you or express a wish to hang out with you, then it is time to re-evaluate your friendship with this person.
But remember, even in the midst of your fear, you are not alone. For Isaiah 41:10 states; “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”AndPhilippians 4:6-7 states;“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
3) If You Find Yourself Being Treated Like You Have No Value
I thought for a while that we needed to live in a way where we were constantly acting as doormats for the world. Even if a friend slapped you with lies or intentionally and maliciously brought you down, that you should turn the other cheek and continue being friends with them. But through reading Scripture more and getting to know the character of God, I don’t believe that is the entire truth. Sure, it is part of it, but not the holistic, complete view of it.
God loves you so, so, much. You might know ‘biblically’ that God loves you a lot. But if you truly knew how much He loved you, then you would know that He would never be okay with someone treating His precious child whom He loves so deeply like they were nothing. From the moment that you accept Him as your Saviour, you have Christ Jesus living inside of you; “I am crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me.” —Galatians 2:20. So how can you mean nothing or be treated nothing when you have God Himself dwelling within you!
This isn’t to say that we weren’t meant to live a life as servants of the world (because we are!) but when we put ourselves in the bad company, it will only corrupt our character. So, while these are two very contradicting truths, I believe that it will take a lot of prayerful discernment and patience to navigate whether a particular friendship should be something you continue with or if you can begin loving from a distance!
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Hey Friend!
God loves you!
If you believe that God is calling you to end a friendship that is bearing no fruits of spirit, just remember His strength is made perfect in weakness. Ending a friendship that once played a significant role in your life is never going to be easy. But the Lord calls us to live for Him and not for the world. So, look to the Lord for His Word. His Word will be a lamp to your feet and a light to your path.
Knowing when to let go of a friendship and actually letting go of it is not going to be easy. In fact, it might just be one of the hardest things you do in your life. But stay true to what God is guiding you to do. After all, He knows all things and He alone will provide all things.
So, tell me! Have you ever had to let go of a friendship? And what lessons do you think God taught you during that period of your life? Drop a comment below and let me know! Let’s start a discussion!
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When to Let Go of a Friendship When You’re Told to Love
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Just your 26 year old girl next door, writer and creator of Truthfully, Michelle & Girls After Truth. I love creating relevant faith-based content for modern, twenty-something girls written from an honest, down-to-earth and biblically grounded point of view.
Hey Shalomi! That’s a really difficult one! Before all else, I would recommend that with grace and patience, bring up your concerns with your friend. If they do not respond, it may be a good idea to find a mediator (especially if your friend is also a Christian) to help bridge your concerns. Check out Matthew 18:15-17 for more about how to deal with conflict in friendships! And if all else fails, just know that sometimes you can be a better friend from standing a distance from a toxic friendship!
Hi there! Thank you so much for this amazing post. It gave me a bit more clarity. As I’m growing closer to God, I’m realizing that I have a friendship that is not godly. I ask God to guide me on whether to walk away from it, or for any idea on how to handle it. I was guided by Him to make a list of the pros and cons of the friendship and sadly the cons weighted way more. And as I said, as I’m growing closer to God, I’m not feeling good with that friendship anymore. It’s a friendship that’s been going on for over 10 years, and thoughts and realizations and coming to my mind, thoughts with actual answers and explanations, and I know they’re coming from the Lord. I have no doubt about it, because having those thoughts makes me feel lighter and peaceful. Now, lately, every time he (my friend) talks to me, I don’t feel peace. But I don’t know what’s next. What to tell my friend (if something), or if I just should distant myself. How do I walk away from that non-godly friendship? This is very hard 😞
Lucero I have a similar situation. I have been friends with this woman for quite a while since I’ve know her for almost 10 years, and things seem great and feel fine when things are good and I’m not making a mistake. But when I mess up and say or do something, especially if the timing is terrible which I can do quite well for some reason, she really lets me have it. She seems quite volatile but only when I do something that upsets her and or if she is having some drinks. I love her and her son dearly! Her son is now 14 and I used to babysit him and go on trips with both of them all over. They have loved me and I them but I realize it is not a healthy friendship between me and her. How do I end a friendship with someone who I care about and want for her to find Jesus? This is hard yes! I do not believe they are believers but I am praying for her and her family for salvation in Christ. I’ve had fear in her presence before like she can be intimidating with her loud strong personality, and confronting her or saying what’s on my mind that may sound harsh. I do not plainly and bluntly speak the truth well. I’ve been quite a shy timid person in the past.
I hope it’s not too late but I believe God brought me to you, I recently went through something similar. I had a friend who drew me away from Christ but in my pride I thought I was better and while I didn’t participate in a lot, she encouraged me to sin and I watched on while she sinned because the few times I spoke up, she shut me down.
The end was messy because she got upset at my drawing boundaries and a lot of times, I replay that scenario but I know God wanted it to end. The first two points applies to me and so do many other things.
Most importantly, I trust God’s will for my life and know that it needed to end. I still love her regardless and will continue to pray for her because our enemy is the devil. Don’t play God for anyone, know your limits and submit to God.
I love tea, all shades of pastel and watching the sunset. I hope that you will relish in the beauty of every moment and find joy in the smallest of things. I pray that you will be able to find true satisfaction in Christ alone and that you will be able to rejoice in the goodness of the Lord whatever season of life you are in.
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hey girl!
Hey,
I'm MichellE.
I love tea, all shades of pastel and watching the sunset. I hope that you will relish in the beauty of every moment and find joy in the smallest of things. I pray that you will be able to find true satisfaction in Christ alone and that you will be able to rejoice in the goodness of the Lord whatever season of life you are in.
In the mean time, I hope you enjoy taking a browse through my blog... a collection of my musings and my hope that you too will dance through life each day with a bright smile on your face because of how loved you are!
Encouraging the modern twenty-something girl to boldly spark His beacon of light in this oft-dark world and inspiring them to A. seek biblical truth through scripture and B. stand for biblical truth in the midst of a culture-driven world.
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Statement of Faith
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NO.
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MY FAVOURITE: AREN'T THESE WHITE FLOWERS SO LOVELY?!
We believe in one God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit
We believe that we are all sinners and all sins need to be paid
We believe that Jesus died to pay for our sins
We believe that it is only by grace through faith that we're saved
Hi I actually have troublesome friends. I have one who always exaggerates things and we in the end break up most of the time. What can I do?
Hey Shalomi! That’s a really difficult one! Before all else, I would recommend that with grace and patience, bring up your concerns with your friend. If they do not respond, it may be a good idea to find a mediator (especially if your friend is also a Christian) to help bridge your concerns. Check out Matthew 18:15-17 for more about how to deal with conflict in friendships! And if all else fails, just know that sometimes you can be a better friend from standing a distance from a toxic friendship!
Hi there! Thank you so much for this amazing post. It gave me a bit more clarity. As I’m growing closer to God, I’m realizing that I have a friendship that is not godly. I ask God to guide me on whether to walk away from it, or for any idea on how to handle it. I was guided by Him to make a list of the pros and cons of the friendship and sadly the cons weighted way more. And as I said, as I’m growing closer to God, I’m not feeling good with that friendship anymore. It’s a friendship that’s been going on for over 10 years, and thoughts and realizations and coming to my mind, thoughts with actual answers and explanations, and I know they’re coming from the Lord. I have no doubt about it, because having those thoughts makes me feel lighter and peaceful. Now, lately, every time he (my friend) talks to me, I don’t feel peace. But I don’t know what’s next. What to tell my friend (if something), or if I just should distant myself. How do I walk away from that non-godly friendship? This is very hard 😞
Lucero I have a similar situation. I have been friends with this woman for quite a while since I’ve know her for almost 10 years, and things seem great and feel fine when things are good and I’m not making a mistake. But when I mess up and say or do something, especially if the timing is terrible which I can do quite well for some reason, she really lets me have it. She seems quite volatile but only when I do something that upsets her and or if she is having some drinks. I love her and her son dearly! Her son is now 14 and I used to babysit him and go on trips with both of them all over. They have loved me and I them but I realize it is not a healthy friendship between me and her. How do I end a friendship with someone who I care about and want for her to find Jesus? This is hard yes! I do not believe they are believers but I am praying for her and her family for salvation in Christ. I’ve had fear in her presence before like she can be intimidating with her loud strong personality, and confronting her or saying what’s on my mind that may sound harsh. I do not plainly and bluntly speak the truth well. I’ve been quite a shy timid person in the past.
I hope it’s not too late but I believe God brought me to you, I recently went through something similar. I had a friend who drew me away from Christ but in my pride I thought I was better and while I didn’t participate in a lot, she encouraged me to sin and I watched on while she sinned because the few times I spoke up, she shut me down.
The end was messy because she got upset at my drawing boundaries and a lot of times, I replay that scenario but I know God wanted it to end. The first two points applies to me and so do many other things.
Most importantly, I trust God’s will for my life and know that it needed to end. I still love her regardless and will continue to pray for her because our enemy is the devil. Don’t play God for anyone, know your limits and submit to God.